Today is 3/28/2025. Eight years ago, 3/28/2017, my wife had passed away due to the stage four cancer. We were married for 27 years and divorce was not an option. I thought I grew old with her and enjoy the quiet life once our daughter became independent.
One day in January of 2017, my wife called me to pick her up from the pharmacy where she used to work since she was too tired to drive home. I drove to the pharmacy and I saw my wife’s face. I saw several dark lines on her face and reminded me of my mom’s face after her death. In Japan, we call this as “Shisou”, “shi” means death and “sou” means face. That day I told my daughter that your mom may not live long.
At home, I googled about “Shisou” and learned how people will behave once “shishou” showed up. The site explained that people will start to lose their interest in hobbies and behaved differently from their normal routine. My wife was really into political shows on TV but after this “shisou” showed up she stopped to watch political shows. I brought her to the doctor and he sent her to the cancer center. The cancer doctor was confident that the team of doctors could save her life. I kept denying the fact I knew what was going to happen and gave myself a false hope.
I was working for an IT consulting company and the owner was really nice to let me work from home. It was pre covid era so we were required to be at the office. I cried and cried and regretted why I did not treat her much nicer. Why I did not go shopping with her even though I did not really enjoy go shopping. I apologized to her but she said to me, it was ok, don’t worry.
On 3/24/2017, we took her to the cancer center, and a different doctor checked my wife’s condition and told us we needed to put her into the hospital. My wife was already too weak to stand and walk. The doctor told me what I knew, “her cancer was growing at much faster rate and won’t make it.” I called my wife’s family in Hawaii and told them to visit my wife for her last time… At that time, I did not know the exact day of my wife’s departure but I knew we did not have much time. My wife was given a strong pill to ease her pain. It was too late to cure her.
While I was next to my wife at the hospital, I saw an image of one gentleman in a suit with a hat greeted me. I told my wife about the facial feature which looked like the second brother. She told me that must have been her grandfather who resembled her second eldest brother. Another day, I saw an image of a lot of people with ancient Chinese outfit. I knew her deceased family visited her.
My wife’s family arrived Omaha, NE on the morning of 3/28/2017 from Hawaii. My wife’s mother and three brothers came. I picked them up at the airport and took them to the hospital. My wife wanted to go home from the hospital but the nurses told us it was better for her to remain in the hospital since she could receive 24 hour care. I was awake until around 11 pm but I was so sleepy and was about to sleep. Her second eldest brother woke me up from the nap and told me that my wife stopped to breathe. She had departed. She waited for her family to arrive before her departure.
It was my wife’s wish to be buried next to her grandmother. We sent her body to Hawaii to have funeral ceremony. My younger brother was very nice to attend the ceremony from Japan. When I took my brother to Honolulu International airport, I told him that I wanted to skydive for several years. He told me that I should do it since we never knew when our end would come. That day, I booked my first tandem skydive from Skydive Hawaii.
I went to Dillingham airfield in Northshore and had no fear about skydiving until the airplane took off. Suddenly, I felt it was a terrible mistake and I might die! I wanted to cancel the skydive but there were several young girls did skydive and looked happy so I felt compelled to go on. The tandem instructor guided me to the door and I saw clouds, mountains, and ocean. I was terrified. When the tandem instructor pushed me off without even counting, I thought I was done! But once we were up in the air, all of a sudden, my fear was gone! There was no point of reference how high I was and I just enjoy the beautiful Hawaiian scenery! The videographer flew towards us and made us pose. That was really fun! It was a life changing moment! I was so depressed about my wife’s departure but the skydiving lifted my spirit high! I was not sure whether I would continue skydiving or not at that time.
While my daughter and I were in Hawaii, we were surrounded by my wife’s family which prevented us from getting depression. However, once we went back to Omaha, we got very depressed. My daughter was thinking about end her life to be with my wife. I knew exactly how she felt since I had the same idea when my mom died. I knew I had to do something to give us hope. We both wanted to visit Mt. Rushmore to see the presidents’ sculptures on the mountain. Just that I had never driven more than 3 hours and I was not confident to drive longer than that. I had trouble keep myself awake for a long drive. But my idea was it was better to take a risk of long driving and visit the site we wanted than letting my fear of long drive hold me back and get depressed.
We launched our journey to Mt. Rushmore in May 2017, a month after my wife’s funeral ceremony. When we crossed the Missouri river in South Dakota, the site was so beautiful! The Missouri river I saw in Omaha was much smaller and less impressive but the beautiful site in South Dakota lifted our spirits high! On the way at one of the rest area, we learned about Bad Land with amazing geographical features. We visited there and I was amazed about the nature! I purchased a national park pass there since I knew I would go back there. We spent long hours there and stayed at hotel nearby. The next day we traveled to Mt. Rushmore. The site was amazing and gave us full of hope by learning how these four Presidents of the United States built this country. In Hawaii, I told people to call me Ted since the sound of name was cool and took from Ted Nugent, a legendary guitarist. At Mt. Rushmore, I learned a lot about the President Theodore “Ted” Roosevelt. He loved the nature and because of him, the nation park system was born! I am an outdoor guy and made other call me Ted. I felt the President Ted Roosevelt was my previous life!
That year 2017, my daughter and I decided to spend a month in Hawaii for Christmas. Also, I wanted to go to Japan for new year and visit a skateboard shop near Mt. Fuji to buy a mountainboard bag since US no longer sold it. After spent Christmas in Hawaii, I flew to Tokyo, Japan. I visited a new attraction Tokyo Sky tree and other sites then headed to Osaka where I came from. I met my brother, and my friends. I visited Osaka swing too. Then I headed to Kyoto where our family grave site locates. I spent a day there and headed to Mishima, Shizuoka. I did manage to find the skateboard ship in Shizuoka city and bough a mountainboard bag. The next day, I took a bus to Yeti ski resort which opens earliest every year in Japan. I get to see Mt. Fuji while I was snowboarding! The next day, I met a Japanese girl who studied at University of Nebraska at Omaha as an exchange student and met at Omaha Jitterbugs. She took me around Mishima and the tourist spot to view Mt. Fuji. Then I took bullet trains to head to Nagano for snowboarding.
I sat next to Australian couple and had too much fun talking that I forgot my boots backpack in the bullet train! I arrived at the hotel near the ski resort and told the owner my issue. He helped me to contact a right place. I was so lucky that no one stole my boot backpack and JR (Japan Railway) sent me my backpack 2 days later! The hotel provided us breakfast and dinner so I did not need to worry about food! The restaurant at ski resort was great too. They don’t overcharge like US counterpart and have nice selection of Japanese dish. I was supposed to meet a swing dance instructor in Tokyo but I had too much fun snowboarding in Nagano, I decided to stay one more day in Nagano instead of going to Tokyo.
Losing my wife was a great shock but that pushed me to go more adventures in my life. After seeing her ending, that really made me not to hold off on any challenges and experience everything I want to do. Today 3/28 reminds me about my new attitude of life.